#He’sjustNotThatIntoYou- Revisiting Greg Behrendt’s theory!



By Shahzeen Shivdasani

As women, we all remember the one line that changed our lives in that one special episode of Sex and the City. That line was explored in detail in a best selling book and then in a sensational movie. That line being, “He’s just not that into you”.

The theory basically revolves around the fact that as women we make up excuses for men. We tell ourselves “Maybe he was busy, maybe he needs time, maybe he’ll come around”. Then we turn to our friends who make the same excuses for them. They tell you the one story where one woman was patient and the guy treating her badly finally came around. Is that what dating is becoming? Waiting for someone to realise how great you are instead of them realising the value of what they have when, they have it?

Take a look as I examine my favourite top 5 theories by Greg’s book:

If He’s not calling you: This should be your deal breaker, girls! I always say a man is only as good as his word. If he can’t even keep to a small statement like “I will call you later”, then he is certainly not worth your time at all. We tend to overlook the small things. However, it’s those factors and those factors ONLY, that should speak volumes to you.

If he’s not dating you: If he’s not making a conscious effort to tell you how he feels, where he sees this going and doesn’t care if you both are exclusive, HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. The thing is, a guy who IS into you will want you to know that. He will also want everyone else to know that. He will want to make sure that you both are on the same page at all times. If you do not know where you stand with someone, ASK. You rather come out forward then waste YOUR precious time.

If he’s breaking up with you: This one is my favourite. It is my favourite because we have ALL heard it. ‘I can’t be with you now, but maybe in the future’ or ‘I just have so much on my plate to be able to handle the added responsibility of a relationship right now’. What are we, dogs? Are you asking him to walk you and feed you, three times a day? Come on ladies, thank your stars if he says this and walk out! You do not deserve to be with someone that has so MUCH going on that he doesn’t have time for you. Neither do you deserve to be someone who is already walking out on you. Think about it this way. He is basically telling you that you are not good enough right now but if he realises it later, he’ll be back! You deserve more than to just be an option to someone.

If he only wants to see you when he is drunk: If he is calling you post eleven pm to make a plan and is under the influence of alcohol then you SHOULD know what this is about. Giving in, only shows him that you are absolutely fine putting up with the least amount of effort he is willing to put in. Remember, if you want respect, you have to respect yourself, FIRST!

If he has disappeared on you: Him disappearing on you, can be the hardest. We have unresolved questions that take over our mind and we tell our girlfriends “but I need closure”. Try looking at this one differently. Closure is man made. You DON’T actually need it. In the words of Greg himself “ because the only part of the story that’s important to remember is that he didn’t want to be with you anymore. And he didn’t have the guts to tell you that to your face. Case closed”. Don’t dig for more. That’s just the honest truth.

Sometimes we are so pre-occupied in focusing on the fairy tale ending that we don’t even take the time to notice if the relationship is actually working, keeping us happy and one that is strong enough to last. Treat every relationship more like a friendship. The same way you would be able to count on your friends and tell them anything, your relationship stands a chance if the core of it is more of a friend and less of a lover.

If it is not working out for you then it only means that HE is not GOOD enough for YOU. Someone great will come but only when you believe you deserve the BEST.

Like Gigi in the movie says “Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up… hope”.

Shahzeen Shivdasani

Shahzeen Shivdasani

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