By Shahzeen Shivdasani
Ever wondered if your relationship really has true intimacy? Are you solely connected on attraction and infatuation, or is there something beneath the surface that actually bounds you both together? Take a look at a few points you should consider if real intimacy is what you are searching for.
Only YOU complete YOU- I personally do not understand relationships where people presume that in order to gain true intimacy, couples have to come together as ONE entity. This is one of the most popular reasons as to why MOST relationships fail! You can never be ONE with anyone but yourself. Have your own interests, your own mind and most importantly, your own LIFE! Intimacy, is not formed by spending all your time together. Remember, It’s about quality not quantity.
Deal with your baggage: Some of the reason why you might find it hard to experience real intimacy is by FEAR. Fear of something in the past that might have hurt you or fear that you may invest and waste your time. Whatever the reason maybe, you need to let go of your baggage. Every relationship you enter should be treated as something you have never experienced before. Think about this way, would you dig through yesterday’s trash for ingredients to cook a meal today?
Give it time: Be patient. True intimacy ONLY happens in time. Any relationship that starts with intense chemistry, intense emotions or anything with the word ITENSE, fizzles out extremely quickly. Work on the friendship part. Work on the understanding each other part. Even if it takes time to open up to each other, focus only on that.
Physical and emotional: Physical intimacy is NOT emotional intimacy. WOMEN, please pay attention to this. As women we may get emotionally intimate by being physical with a partner however, men don’t always feel the same way. Build a strong emotional connection. Take it slow. Get to know each other in other ways. The physical stuff is always going to be there. So when it does happen, make sure YOU are ready.
Let go of Ideals: One of the main reasons why you might not be able to achieve true intimacy is because most people hold on to ideals. We hold on to what went wrong in our past relationships and how it should play out in our new one. Sometimes, we hold on to what relationships should look like even without a past. Remember, nothing, I REPEAT, nothing will ever look like the fantasy you have created in your head. Stop focusing on what doesn’t exist, what might be lacking or how things HAVE to play out. Focus on all the things that make you happy and do not take the other persons efforts for granted.
At the end of the day, true intimacy may not end up looking like the fairy tale you created in your mind, but if you achieve it…
You will surely have a story to tell.